the 2nd day (or) it's okay to cry

so, today was not so bad. everything went a little more smoothly and the kids seemed to have worked their energies out. i switched the seating so friends would not be next to friends and it seemed to work out okay. i'm noticing some students are really behind, barely reading while writing letters backwards while other students are a little farther ahead and able to read and write at a quicker pace. i think this is because of varying schools and just their capabilities. we'll see how tomorrow works out. after these first few days, i feel like trying to catch a breath and breathing a sigh of relief but you can't really because there's another day to plan and on top of that, another week to plan. i think i'm going to start with a little bit of math and do some more reading. we'll see if they can handle something a little more low key and at their level.

it's strange because yesterday, the only people who could comfort me for real were those who had just recently had their first year of teaching...the veterans forget how it feels on your first day and those who are newer still have that fresh in their minds. it's so strange because i didn't want to hear that everything would be all right in the end, i just wanted a chance to be heard and be sad/disappointed. there's nothing else like this first day of teaching...now that it's over, i'm beginning to think that it was the major milestone that freaks people out and makes them nervous. after this first day, things become more routine and things will work out for me because i will work hard in order to make it work.

i also had a student crying today because i had an activity in which students asked each other questions to see if they had a cat or a dog or a brother/sister, if they had brown eyes, etc. well, one girl had a brother and he was killed, i'm not sure how long ago...but she used to have a brother...now how is a child supposed to answer someone who is asking them if they have a brother...do they have a brother? no, they had a brother..so, she was having a little bit of difficulty with that and i think i handled it okay but there are always things that i can change...it seems so harmless but something that small will be the trigger to a child falling apart emotionally for the entire day...

we'll see...the rest of the week should run pretty smoothly and i'll let you know how i feel then.